WRONG NUMBER

A phone rings in the house, a little girl picks it up

"Hello" she says

"Hi honey, this is daddy. Is mommy near the phone?" a voice on the other end answers

"No daddy she is upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul." The little girl quipped

"After a brief pause daddy says "but honey u haven't got an uncle Paul!"

"Oh yes I do and he is upstairs in the room with mommy right now."

Brief pause "uh okay then, this is what I want u to do put the phone down on the table, run upstairs knock on the bedroom door and shout to mommy daddy's car just pulled in the driveway."

"Ok daddy just a minute."

A while later the little girl comes back to the phone, "done it daddy."

"What happened honey?"

"Well mommy got scared jumped out of bed naked, ran round the room screaming, tripped over and knocked her head on the dresser now she ain't moving at all."

"What about Uncle Paul?" asked Dad?

"He jumped out the window into the swimming pool but I guess he didn't know you emptied the water last week. He hit the bottom and I think he's dead."

Really long pause this time.

 Now confused, Daddy says "What swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?"

"No this is 486-5713."

Sorry wrong number.....

FW: THE WISE KING

The Wise King

In a far away land, there was a beautiful kingdom with a unique rule, which said, "Anyone may become the king, and he will be given all rights to govern the country for 5 years. But after the 5 years, he will be detained, his body will be tied, and he will be thrown away to a remote island, [where the jungle is thick and there are plenty of wild animals and no humans].

The first who came forward said, "OK, I am ready to be the king. And he was a king for 5 years, and enjoyed his position. He threw big parties, went to many beautiful places, married many women, collected many luxurious things and did whatever pleased him.

This went on till one day he woke up, to find soldiers in his palace who said, "We came here under the order of constitution. You were a king for 5 years, and now the time has come when we should seize you and take you to the remote island.

The king knew that this time would come, but had not realized how quickly the time had passed. He had enjoyed himself in the past 5 years but now he had to leave everything, and would be thrown in the very dangerous island. He was very scared but could do nothing and had to accept his destiny with tears in his eyes. The soldiers put the dethroned king in jungle and did not care about what would happen to him. All they heard were the voices of wild animals and the long scream of the former king. And then silence again.

Back in the kingdom, the constitution was still effective. And now, there was a 2nd king. He too behaved like the 1st king, enjoying an extravagant life, and was faced with the same fate, till the voice of wild animals mixed with his scream was heard after he was thrown in the island. This went on for a long time, with each person becoming King, and following their predecessors. Laugh in the beginning, and cry in the end.

One day, a young man came and declared his wish to be a King. By constitution he was granted his wish. He would be a king for 5 years before being thrown away to the island. But he being wise realized that his time was short, and all luxuries and power would come to an end.

So after much thinking, he decided that he will use all of his power, resources, time etc, to prepare his life at the remote island. In the 1st year he sent troops, veterinarians, and animal trainers to the dangerous island. The mission was to control the population of wild animals there or domesticate them for good use.

Well the mission was so huge that it consumed a lot of the country's resources. But it was the king's decision and he had the power. So, all resources that had been used by previous kings to have fun, now was used by the new king in this strange mission. He really dedicated all of his energy to the mission which became successful.

In the 2nd year, he sent a lot of farmers to the island to start agriculture there.
In the 3rd year, he made a lot of facilities on the island - from electricity to a hospital.
In the 4th year, he sent a lot of educated people like engineers, accountants, and many others to the island.
In the 5th year, he sent his friends and his relatives to the island.
And finally the time came when the king had to be thrown away to the island. In the morning of the big day, the king smiled his widest smile ever in 5 years. When many strong soldiers caught and roped him, his smile grew wider. And finally he laughed a great laugh when the soldiers threw him to the island.

Now, why wouldn't he laugh? While the previous kings found a thick jungle and many wild animals when they were thrown there, the last king found everything he needed for a comfortable and happy life with his dear ones.

So many people are tricked by their life in employment/the world. All they do in this is have fun, and forget that the time will come when they will face a very different situation. No amount of regrets and pleading can change the situation then.

But the wise, people ensure adequate provisions for their life in retirement, just like the wise king. These people will face the future with a smile, because a pleasant life is awaiting them.

Friends, any lesson from the above? Make it a pathway to a rosy future

LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH

LAUGH!  LAUGH!!  LAUGH!!!

There's a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand seeing a man crying."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find my wife sleeping with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

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How I learned to mind my own business:
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, '13....13....13.'   The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on.....
Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick!  Then they all started shouting '14....14....14'...

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Husband comes from church; greets his wife and lifts her up. He carries her around the house.  The wife is so surprised and asks "did the pastor preach about being romantic"? The husband said "no, he said we must carry our burdens and sorrows.

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One day, a Chef came face to face with death. Out of fear He asked "what do you want from me?"

Mr. Death answered "I am on my rounds and your name is at 5 on my hit list of 100!  The Chef cried "please don't kill me, I still have so many unfinished contracts, my parent is still alive, my two kids are still in the college and they will miss me! I swear I will cook the best ever meal for you!!!"

Mr. Death agrees and the Chef got down to business. He cooked, he baked and he spiced while death waited taking in the aroma until all was ready and he ate to his fun and fill before eventually falling asleep.  While he was asleep, the Chef quietly crept up to him, peeped into the list and actually saw his name at no. 5!

He then cancelled his name from no .5 and put it at no. 100 just before Mr. Death woke up!  Mr. death then said "Mr. man, you have really made me satisfied and so, I will start my rounds from number 100!

The Chef just fell down and died!!!

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Two little boys playing in a park find a condom. They take it to show their mum. She gets really angry telling them it's dirty and not to touch things they find. One boy says to other one, mum was really angry about that balloon. Yeah says the other on......e, we'd better not tell her we ate the yoghurt out of it!

George and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day, while they were walking past the hospital swimming pools, George suddenly jumped into the deep end. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled George out.

When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act, he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her mentally stable.  When he went to tell her the news, he said. 'Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses'.

However, the bad news is that the patient you saved - George, hung himself in the bathroom with the belt of his robe. I am sorry, but he's dead'

Mary replied,' He didn't hang himself; I put him there to dry'.

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An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind.   A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me, madam.  I do not intend to be forward but! Did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"   "Yes, I know," said the lady.  "I need both my hands to hold onto this hat."

"But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties and your privates are exposed!"  said the gentleman in earnest.   The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old.   I just bought this hat yesterday!"

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A CARROT, AN EGG AND A CUP OF COFFEE

A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee...Maybe with
this you will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.
A young woman went to her mother and told her about
her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she
was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting
and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.
Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three
pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to
boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and
in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil,
without saying a word.
In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners.
She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the
eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and
placed it in a bowl.
Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you
see."
"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.
Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel
the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then
asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell,
she observed the hard boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the
daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich
aroma.
The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"
Her mother explained that each of these objects had
faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently.
The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being
subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg
had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior,
but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.
The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After
they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When
adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or
a coffee bean?"
Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems
strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose
my strength?
Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but
changes with the  heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a
breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become
hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter
and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?
Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually

INCREDIBLE GHOST_A TRUE LIFE STORY

 > Late in 1994, an 87 year old great grandfather of a friend passed
> on in> a village close to Amai, Kwale, Delta State, Nigeria

> The late man's grand son by name Ufiaka (26 years old
> and fairly educated) was given some money and asked to
> travel to Agbor, Delta State (Nigeria)  and buy a fine Casket for his grand
> pa's burial. Ufiaka left base early and arrived Agbor
> in good time to purchase the Casket and make the
> return journey same day. He was fortunate to get an
> open back white coloured Peugeot 404 pickup heading
> for Amai. He, however, had to ride in the back of the
> pickup with the Casket because two market women
> traveling to Amai were already seated in front with
> the driver.
>
> On the home journey, they ran into a heavy rain storm
> close to Uronigbe and Ufiaka quickly opened the
> Casket, lay himself nicely in the well padded
> interior, covered the lid and used the folded
> newspaper he had with him to leave a small opening
> between the lid and the main body of the white Casket
> to ensure adequate ventilation. The interior of the
> Casket was very comfortable and Ufiaka fell into a
> very deep sleep.
>
>  The rain had subsided at the time the pickup van
> arrived at Umutu and during a brief stop there, two
> men travelling to Amai entered the vehicle at the back
> and the same happened at Ubiaruku where a man and a
> woman travelling also to Amai entered the vehicle. All
> this while, Ufiaka was enjoying his beauty sleep
> inside the Casket completely unaware of the new
> passengers who boarded at Umutu and Ubiaruku.
>
>  The pickup van arrived Amai just after 5 PM and the driver,who was
> now very hungry, stopped in front of a busy bukataria to have a quick
> bite before proceeding to the next village.
>
> The sudden stoppage and reving of the pickup's engine
> woke Ufiaka who then opened the lid of the Casket and
> rose up.

Trouble come start!

> The passengers in the back of the pickup jumped out of
> the vehicle from various points and took to their
> heels in various directions.
>
> The people eating in open type bukataria (including
> the mama-put and her service girls) who saw the white
> Casket open and a 'ghost' step out, ran off all over
> the place some with balls of eba and akpu in their
> hands.

   Ufiaka, seeing people running 'helta skelta'
> was convinced that armed robbers were operating and
> decided to take-off in the direction three of the
> passengers, including the woman, were running. When
> the three passengers realised that Ufiaka was running
> towards them, they increased speed and shouted ghost
> ghost and to further worsen the situation, Ufiaka was
> dressed in white up and down with white shoes to match
> that day.
>
> With the shouting of ghost, other people in their
> homes came out to see what was going on and on seeing
> people running at high speed all over they joined in
> the race for dear life and the number just swelled.

The driver and the two market women were the only
> people who knew what was going and they had a hell of
> a time calming the people down.