REASONS TO LAUGH

You don't need to wait for Night of thousand laugh, you can have a second joke that could give you reasons to laugh!

Check this out.

A man who makes caskets was on his way to deliver one of the coffins when his car broke down.

Trying not to be late, he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination.

The Nigerian Police saw him and wanted to make some money of him, so they challenged him. "Hey!!! wetin you carry, Where you dey carry that thing go?!"

Trust an Igbo man...

"I no like the place where them bury me, so I dey try relocate".

The Police men all took their heels!

Have a great day.

THE BULL STORY

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the farmer was going to bring yet another bull onto the farm, and this prospect raised a discussion among them.


1st Bull: "Boys, we all know I have been here for five years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. I don´t know where this newcomer is going to get his cows, but I ain´t givin´ him any of mine."

2nd Bull: "That pretty much says it for me too. I´ve been here for three years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we have agreed are mine. I´ll fight him off or kill him, but I´m keeping all my cows."

3rd Bull: "I´ve only been here a year and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to take care of. I may not be as big as you fellows yet, but I am young and virile, so I simply must keep all my cows."

They had just finished their big talk when a big 18-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the paddock with only one animal in it.

It was the biggest son-of-another-bull these guys had ever seen. At 2000 kg, each step he took the ground strained the steel ramp to breaking point.

1st Bull: "Ahem...you know, it´s actually been some time since I was doing all my cows justice. Anyway, I think I can spare a few for our new friend."

2nd Bull:"I´ll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on the opposite side of the paddock from him. I´m certainly not looking for an argument."

They look over at there young friend, the third bull, and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns and snorting.

1st Bull: "Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."

3rd Bull: "Hell he can have all my cows. I´m just making sure he knows I´m a bull."

MARRIAGE HUMOUR

Wife: 'What are you doing?'
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
Husband: 'I was looking for the expiry date.'
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Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife: 'Yes or no.'
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Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet.. Why?'
Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.'
Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?'
Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?'
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Stress Reliever Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'
Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'
Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'
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Son: 'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'
Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'
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A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'
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Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.'
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A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: '
I like your sense of humour!'
Husbands are husbands
A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.
'What was that for?' the man asked.
The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'.
The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on'
The wife apologized and went on with the housework.
Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.
Wife replied: 'Your Horse phoned!!! '
Give me a sense of humour, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humour out of life,
And pass it on to other folks

WHAT A STUPID MAN!!!

A married fellow gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he asks. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!" The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor. "You bastard!!!" says the husband. "My wife's having a heart attack, and all you can do is run around the house naked scaring the kids?"

WHAT A STUPID MAN!!! 

We all look but see differently, may our spiritual eyes never go blind.

POLICE DEY READ BIBLE OOOO!

On Lagos-Ibadan express road when a Pastor met a team of policemen who, quite naturally, wanted 'something' from him. Since he was not prepared to play their games, they asked for his papers and having combed through everything without any offence with which to nail the 'stubborn' pastor, they now asked him to open the bonnet of his car. A careful scrutiny of the engine number against what was on paper revealed that letter U was written in such a way that it could be mistaken for letter V. That was all the officer-in-charge needed to shout "stolen vehicle!" Sensing trouble, even when he knew he committed no offence, the pastor called the OC to say he was a priest to which the officer replied :"Please, leave that pastor thing...in any case, if you are indeed a pastor, then you must have a Bible in your car, bring it." The Pastor did as was commanded after which the officer now ordered:
"Please read Matthew 5:25, 26 to me". 
The incredulous Pastor opened to the recommended passage and read:
"Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to a judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. I tell you the truth; you will not get out until you have paid the last penny."
The man of God quietly made an "offering" of "just" one N100 to his newly found "preacher".
End of service! Go in peace and argue no more, said the OC.

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Mallam Sule bought a new bullet proof jeep for N75M so  he went to warri and while there he was attacked by armed robbers who rained bullets on his car.

To Sule's amazement the car resisted all. So he started mouthing words at the bandits. One of them gestured that he could not hear him so he wound down his window and shouted, 'shege danbura uba,  barawon banza, you waka'

...He has since been buried according to Muslim rites