24.10.10

THE BULL STORY

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the farmer was going to bring yet another bull onto the farm, and this prospect raised a discussion among them.


1st Bull: "Boys, we all know I have been here for five years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. I don´t know where this newcomer is going to get his cows, but I ain´t givin´ him any of mine."

2nd Bull: "That pretty much says it for me too. I´ve been here for three years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we have agreed are mine. I´ll fight him off or kill him, but I´m keeping all my cows."

3rd Bull: "I´ve only been here a year and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to take care of. I may not be as big as you fellows yet, but I am young and virile, so I simply must keep all my cows."

They had just finished their big talk when a big 18-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the paddock with only one animal in it.

It was the biggest son-of-another-bull these guys had ever seen. At 2000 kg, each step he took the ground strained the steel ramp to breaking point.

1st Bull: "Ahem...you know, it´s actually been some time since I was doing all my cows justice. Anyway, I think I can spare a few for our new friend."

2nd Bull:"I´ll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on the opposite side of the paddock from him. I´m certainly not looking for an argument."

They look over at there young friend, the third bull, and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns and snorting.

1st Bull: "Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."

3rd Bull: "Hell he can have all my cows. I´m just making sure he knows I´m a bull."

1.10.10

MARRIAGE HUMOUR

Wife: 'What are you doing?'
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
Husband: 'I was looking for the expiry date.'
------------------------------
Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife: 'Yes or no.'
_____________
Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet.. Why?'
Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.'
Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?'
Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?'
--------------------------------------------------------
Stress Reliever Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'
Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'
Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'
----------------------! --------
Son: 'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'
Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'
________________________________
A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'
----------------------------------------------------------
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.'
-------------------------------
A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: '
I like your sense of humour!'
Husbands are husbands
A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.
'What was that for?' the man asked.
The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'.
The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on'
The wife apologized and went on with the housework.
Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.
Wife replied: 'Your Horse phoned!!! '
Give me a sense of humour, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humour out of life,
And pass it on to other folks