8.12.09

MEN NEVER LISTEN

 A man and his wife received a letter from their daughter who went to study overseas:
My beloved Parents, 
 


 I miss you so much. I don't know when I'm coming home, but it seems not anytime soon. It breaks my heart to think that by the time I get back you'll be too old. So enclosed you will find a bottle of a potion I have invented. It will make you young, so when I return you'll be the same age as I left you.  

 NOTE: "Please take only one drop"
NOTE: "Please take only one drop"

So they opened the envelope and in it there is a bottle with a red potion.
The husband looks at the wife and says: "You go first." (typical of men!)

So the wife opens the bottle and takes a drop, there after the husband follows. Indeed they do turn 5 years younger.
Years later the daughter returns home to find her mother young and beautiful, carrying a baby on her back.
The mother proceeds to tell her daughter how the potion worked and made her look young.

The daughter is delighted and asks about her father.
"Your father, my child, he
was so jealous that I was young and beautiful so he drank the whole bottle."
 


"So where is he?"

"Oh, that's him I have on my back." 
 


Have a wonderful day ahead!!!



BEST MAN


At a wedding ceremony recently, the best man was to tell the audience how the groom met the bride.  Below was what he said:

Best Man:  Praise the Lord  somebody!

Audience:    Halleluyah!!!

Best Man:   Yes, I have known Abey for about 20 years now.  He flirt tire for school.  Infact, 2 yellow chicks pregnant born for am.  We used to chase yellow yellow chicks then.  I did not know that he has a flare for black ladies oooooooooooooo.  Amen somebody!


Audience:    Silence

Best man:    So, 6 months ago, he told me he just met this chick with big ass, with pointed flash light and pretty face.  I was damn!  That this chick was a machine on the bed and has lots of skill compared to all the chicks he has ever known.  He was so excited that he confided in me that he was going to marry her.  I was thrilled! (THE SILENCE IN THE HALL WAS EVEN MORE STUNNING).  He said he met this chick in a bus when he went to collect the result of his HIV test as advised by a Doctor.  I am very happy for them today because they have finally tied the knot.  Amen somebody!

The Bride Fainted!

 
Beware of your Best man



2.12.09

SALTY COFFEE: AN AMAZING LOVE STORY

He met her at a party. She was so beautiful, many guys were chasing after her, while he was so plain and simple, nobody paid attention to him.


At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him, she was surprised, but to be polite, she consented. They went to a nice coffee shop, he was too nervous to say anything, she felt uncomfortable, she thought, please, let me go home.... suddenly he asked the waiter.
"would you please give me some salt? I'd like to put it in my coffee."
Everybody stared at him, How strange! His face turned red, but still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it.
She asked him curiously; why you have salt in your coffee? He replied: "when I was a little boy, I lived near the sea, I like playing in the sea, I could feel the taste of the sea, just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I always think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who still live there". While saying that tears filled his eyes. She was deeply touched.
That's his true feelings, from the bottom of his heart. A man who can share his homesickness, he must be a man who loves home, cares about home, has ties to his home.
Then she also started to speak, spoke about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family. That was a really nice talk, also a beautiful beginning of their story.
They continued to date. She found that he was actually a man who meets all her demands; he had tolerance, was kind hearted, warm, careful.. He was such a good person but she almost missed knowing him! Thanks to his salty coffee!
The story ended just like every beautiful love story , the princess married the prince, then they lived happily ever after... And, every time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in it, as she knew that's the way he liked it.
After 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said: "My dearest, please forgive me, I have been lying my whole life. This was the only lie I told you---the salty coffee..
Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar, but I said salt. It was hard for me to change it, so I just went ahead.I never thought that could be the start of our conversation! I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to lie to you about anything. Now I'm dying, I'm afraid of nothing so I can tell you the truth: I don't like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste.. But I have had the salty coffee for my whole life!


Since I met you, I don't ever feel sorry for everything I did for you. " Having you with me is the biggest thrill of my whole life. If I can live a second time around, I would still want to know you and have you for the rest of my life,even though I have to drink the salty coffee again".
Her tears made the letter totally wet. One day, someone asked her: how did the salty coffee taste? It was very sweet, she replied.
Love is not to forget but to forgive, not to see but to understand, not to hear but to listen, not to let go but to HOLD ON !!!!
Don't ever leave the one you love for the one you like, because the one you like will leave you for the one they love. Tonight your true love will realize how much they love you, between 1 and 4 in the morning. Tomorrow the shock of your life will occur. got this...
Forget the things that make you sad .... Remember the things that make you glad.

1.12.09

MY PEOPLE, LEARN TO STICK TO INSTRUCTIONS.


 In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied.
 A nurse noticed his predicament.
Sir, she said ' You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall.'
 He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch.
 Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP, and a red one labeled APR.
 Who would know if he touched them?
 He couldn't resist. He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom.
 What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this.
 Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.
 When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure.. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure.
 When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the APR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.
 Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him.
 'What happened?' he exclaimed. The last thing I remember was pushing the APR button.
 The Nurse replied 'The button APR is an Automatic Pad Remover. Your penis is under your pillow.'